So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
