I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
look no pants
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
