singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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