Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
