Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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