If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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