I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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