There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
