it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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