sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
