what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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