Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
