he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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