turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
