He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
