i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
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