she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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