Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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