I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
she told me i tasted like america
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
