My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Randomize
