my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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