We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
