I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
