Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
smell my finger.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
