Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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