She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
