This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
