That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
