Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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