The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
