the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
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