thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
