Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
