I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
