1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
