What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
