If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
