No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
