Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
