i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
