i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
