I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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