guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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