God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
