I CAN MOONWALK!
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Pooping to opera.
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