By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
