we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Randomize
