Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
