is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
