I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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