I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
