Umm I'm too high to move.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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